Don't Start What You Shouldn't Finish

It has been a while since my last post.  I will try to get some more out here a little more often.  Thank you for those who have been helping to promote this blog.  I believe that if we work together, God can use this blog to encourage a lot of fellow believers.  Before I get to the meat of the post today, let me warn you that this post will be of a frank, yet very important nature concerning personal purity.

In 1992, I was ordained and became the youth pastor at Scranton Revival Baptist Church.  Ever since then, I have been involved in counselling young believers who want to do right when it comes to sexual purity. The Bible is clear that sex is a wedding gift given by God that is only to be unwrapped by married couples.


Hebrews 13:4 (AV)

⁴ Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.


1 Corinthians 6:18 (AV)

¹⁸ Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

Young couples start out committed to purity.  They are determined not to commit the sin of fornication, or sex outside of marriage, yet over and over people have come into my office over the years, in tears, confessing that they fell and their purity is gone.  We live in a sex charged society.  Is there any way that one can hope to maintain purity today?

I think that one reason that young couples fall, even though both are committed Christians, and neither started out with the intention to commit fornication, it that they do not understand the principles God put in place to avoid this sin.  I get questions every once and a while about how far is too far.  Can I hold hands?  Can we kiss?  Can we stimulate each other through clothing, or under clothing.  How far can we come without actually having intercourse?  If we are sexual but do not have intercourse, we are still virgins and pure in God's eyes right? 

Let us take a few moments and define the sin of fornication then explain the Bible way to avoid this powerful temptation.  First of all, the word that is translated "fornication" in English is the Greek word "pornea".  This is the word from which we get the term "pornography".  It refers to illicit sexual activity outside of marriage.  Some Bible translations wrongly limit it to the act of sexual intercourse outside of marriage.  Think about it.  Pornography refers to pictures and videos depicting all kinds of sexual activity, not just intercourse.  You see, our flesh would like to think that the term is very narrow so that we can find loop holes and get really close to the sin without actually being guilty of fornication.

The way to avoid this powerful temptation is radical but simple.  The Apostle Paul gives us the formula in 1 Corinthians 7.


1 Corinthians 7:1–2 (AV)

¹ Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. ² Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

If you want to avoid the sin of fornication, you have two options:

1. Do not touch each other (at all)
2. Get married

The question of how far is too far assumes that some touching is OK as long as you can stop in the heat of passion before You realize that it is not good for you, therefore you make a vow that you will never again eat Pizza Hut Pan Pizza.  One day on your way home from work, you see that Pizza Hut is having a special.  Now you are not going to have any, but you are curious what the price has gotten to these days.  As pull into the parking lot, you see that the price is revealed inside.  You step in and the smell hits you and envelopes you like a warm familiar blanket.  You react physically with a growling stomach and watering mouth.  You decide that your family needs a pizza.  You would surprise them when you bring it home.  No, you will not eat the pizza, you have made a commitment!  You order the pizza and they put it in a box, steaming hot.  You put the box in your car and the steam comes out of the four corners of the box, fogging up your windows.  You decide that you must check the pie to make sure they got the order right.  No, you are not going to eat it, you are just checking the order.  As you open the box, you see everything your body has been craving.  The cheese is dripping from the top of the box.  You think to yourself, I committed not to eat pizza, but you did not commit to avoid all cheese.  If you get a finger full of what is on the box, you would not really be eating pizza, just eating cheese.  You would have to go Vegan to avoid that... surely it will be OK.  As you can imagine, once you started with the cheese, the entire pizza disappeared and you wondered how in the world that ever happened... you never intended to go back on your commitment.

Friends, that is exactly what happens when couples who say they are committed to purity, spend time alone together and start down the road of physical compromise.  One thing leads to another and one of two things happen:  Either they fall full bore into the sin of fornication, or they stop but leave themselves aroused, creating conflict and stopping what God intended to be finished in the marriage act.

If you really want to remain pure before marriage you have two choices.  Either do not touch or get married.  Do not allow yourself to be alone in a car or apartment for a long time... it is possible that you will not be able to resist temptation endlessly.  Decide as a couple that you are going to make it hard to fall into that sin.  Decide to take the steps to preserve your purity.


Romans 13:14 (AV)

¹⁴ But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

If you are in love, you are of age, you are both Christians, you have your parent's blessing... Get married!  Listen, the world is all about putting it on hold until later in life because they already have become impure.  If you are engaged, get to it!  I do not recommend anything more than six months for engagement.  Marriage is a wonderful thing.  Do what it takes to preserve your purity until your wedding night.  Do not start something you shouldn't finish.